In one week, I received texts or direct messages in the middle of the night from four different families. Their loved ones were in various emergency departments for some form of suicidal crisis. Each one said the exact same thing: I didn’t think it would be my kid.

- Annemarie Matulis

As family and friends of those in a suicidal crisis or loss survivors, disbelief that it’s “our” loved one in danger is common. So are some of the questions that race across our minds like a tickertape: these statements reflect the experiences of some Ideation/attempt survivors and their impacted family members as well as loss survivors who were concerned about their family after a crisis.

  • I was planning a trip next month. Should I cancel it?

  • I should withdraw from my volunteer work so I’m around more, right?

  • Should I ask for family leave from my job?

  • Should I resign from my job to stay home?

  • (for adults) Do I need to get someone to stay with them all the time?

  • (for adolescents and teens) Do I let them go back to school, stay in their clubs or on their sports teams, etc.?

In other words, do we as family and friends with loved ones in suicidal crisis remain frozen in time? 

The answer is as individual as each of us. This is not black or white and one size does not fit all. Short term, some of those actions may be needed. Staying frozen in time long term will prove a disaster for everyone and speaks to the potential burn out that can impact caregivers (us) of those in suicidal crisis.

  

Let’s try this worksheet to uncover what our “frozen in time” questions might be. Do any of those above apply?:

 

  • Take about 10 to 15 minutes and write down your own lived experiences with the above questions. How did you respond initially?  How did you resolve your concerns?

  • No editing.

  • No trying to sound “nice,” or emotionally balanced, or all together with no concerns.

  • The “I’ve-got-this” denial syndrome doesn’t work either.

 

One key to inner peace in this area is to uncover the lived experiences of those who stumbled along this path before you. Another is to be totally open and honest within the workshop or roundtable setting and support each other to find answers that fit. And again, what works for one family may not be a good fit for another. Be OK with that and support each other by lifting spirits. We are not alone.

 

And be aware that the underlying fear in some of our choices is driven by the nagging thought, “…will this happen again?” That’s a much longer conversation for another time but the short answer? Quite possibly.